Dear Anonymous,
by Whiitewolf
Summary: JJ's dead. Now she's a ghost, trying to figure out who killed her. Everyone thinks she killed herself. She knows better and she is off to find who really killed her. FINAL CHAPTER POSTED
1. Preface

**So this is a random idea I had. It will probably be a sad story but I hope you guys can enjoy it. And please review. :)**

**This is the preface and will be short. The other chapters will be longer. =D**

* * *

><p>They say when you die your entire life flashes before your eyes. Some people even say you take a snap shot of the last thing you saw. For me? Neither of these things happened. Sure, I remember what I was doing and what I saw right before but it doesn't stand out in my mind.<p>

At first, when I opened my eyes, I didn't realize what had happened. I didn't even understand how I had died. Everyone thinks of the afterlife differently, but no one really knows until their life is taken from them. You learn things. You learn who really loved you, who used you and what your life meant. I know all this now, things I wish I never had to find out. Now you will hear about them too.

Everyone says I'm crazy; they say I killed myself, but I know it isn't true. I didn't have any reason to want it to end. Not many humans can say this but my life was great. It may not have been perfect. Life never is. That's what causes all the excitement, the imperfections. If life was perfect, it'd be boring. I was happy though and that's what matters. What reason would I have to end my life?

The thing I think about the most is my family. Both of my families. I think of Will and Henry. My precious Henry, whom I won't get to see graduate, pass his drivers or even get married. And my Will. We had our wedding planned, but it never happened. My other family, I think about constantly. My team. I think about all of them. Hotch, Garcia, Reid, Morgan and Emily. My thoughts have even drifted to Gideon and Elle. That was my other family. The family I had before Will and Henry. The friends that were always there.

Death can take any of us. I just never thought it would take me so soon. A young mother, about to be married... I'd so often seen the victims. I'd felt sympathy for them and their families. I just never thought that I would be the victim. I'd so often worried, due to the facts I learned from my job, about Henry's safety. It was terrifying to even bring him to the park. My eyes were so constantly glued on him. I knew that even in a second, my whole world could be shattered and my precious baby taken from me. I just never really thought it could happen to me.

I am an FBI Agent. A profiler. Who could have seen this coming? I'd been determined to protect my family. But in the end, I couldn't even protect myself.

I can't change anything now, but still, I want to be remembered. I want my story to be told: how I died, why. All things that I wondered about at first, all things that I know now—all things that you will soon know, as well.


	2. Chapter 1: The Last BAU Meeting

**Author's Note: Thanks for the positive feedback! I wasn't sure about doing a fanfic in 1st person but it seems to be working okay! I have a lot of elements I want to explore in this fic. =D**

**I just want to give some sort of intro.**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**

**This story is already depressing me. JJ, dead? *sigh***

**I deleted the last chapter. It just seemed so weak. I'm going to jumpstart ahead a bit. Which means my loyal reviewers won't be able to review this new chapter. *le sigh* But, I needed a better chapter than my lame last one. Here's the new chapter 2!**

* * *

><p>When I groggily awakened that morning, I didn't have the slightest inkling that this would be the day that changed everything. I couldn't possibly have predicted the way this day would alter my life, as if a lever was pulled, causing the train to shift tracks and head in another direction to a new destination. If I had known it was the end of my world as I knew it, I might have done something differently. I might have treasured the things that I cared most about, had I known that they would soon be eclipsed by a new and dominating force. I didn't expect it at all. I didn't expect to die.<p>

When I fully opened my eyes, I felt like lead all the way down to my toes. I struggled to get into a sitting position, but the effort it took to move was overwhelming and it took longer than I would have liked to finally sit up. This had to have been the worst hangover I'd ever had, but at least I was granted one small blessing—no headache.

A quick glance at the clock told me I was about to be late for work. That's when I fully took in my surroundings. I couldn't believe it. I was at work. I was on the floor by my desk. Shaking my head, I tried to figure out when I had got there. It must have been some party. It wasn't like me to attend parties, definitely not my scene but my friend Emma insisted I go with her. I wasn't going to say no.

Groaning, I stretched as I stood up. Did I have time to go home and change?

Rubbing my tired eyes, I somehow managed to make it out of my office. As I walked by Reid, I shared a greeting, not even really paying attention to the fact that he was here so early. He didn't respond, his nose in a file. I didn't take offence, this was a regular occurance.

It wasn't a surprise he was here early. I checked the clock on the wall, I still had time to run and get a change of clothes. At least that was what I thought until I managed to make it down the stairs and see the rest of my team standing there.

Hotch stood in front of them, his arms crossed. When he turned to face them, I felt my heart plummet. I took a deep breath, they must have gotten a bad case. Something that would cause us to get called in so early. I cursed myself. I must have missed the call.

"Hotch, I'm so sorry," I exclaimed while I took a spot next to Emily. He didn't respond. He must be really annoyed. I winced. No one even looked over at me. The one night I decided to let loose and get a hangover. It was then that Reid came down the stairs, I noticed the shock on his face when he saw all of us standing there. Apparently he'd missed the memo too. I gave him a quick smile, and felt a sinking feeling when it wasn't returned.

_Relax, you're over thinking it. He's obviously worried about why we were all called so early._

"Hotch? What's going on?" Derek questioned, his face showing a bemused expression with a hint of concern there as well.

"I think we should all go sit." Hotch gestured to the case room, the room where we all heard bad news, almost every day. This must be bad. That's when I saw it, the tears threatening to spill from Hotch's eyes. It was only for a split second before his expression hardened again. This wasn't as bad as I thought, it must be worse.

When I saw the worry on Reid's face, I knew I hadn't imagined it, he'd seen it too. _Deep breaths. Breathe in, breathe out._

We all took our seats, I ended up beside Emily, whom was growing more pale by each passing moment.

"Hotch?" she asked quietly, I saw her chin quiver. She knew. It was written on his face, something bad had happened.

That's when the panic hit me. Why were we all here, alone? Here, which included Reid, Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, Emily and myself. Where was Garcia? If it was something this big, then she should be here. Where was she? Unless... I saw my fear mirrored in Reid's eyes when I looked across the table at him.

"What's going on?" Derek demanded, a lot more loudly this time. The tense posture was a dead give away of his growing panic.

Before Hotch opened his mouth to speak, Garcia came running in, tears spilling down her face. Relief hit him and then sympathy. Why was she crying? Had something happened to Kevin? So many questions. When would our Unit Chief answer them. He seemed to be struggling to find the words.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Derek stand up and run to his baby girl. He managed to catch her before she fell, her entire body shaking violently.

"Garcia?" It took me a moment to realize it was me that said that. As if in slow motion, I saw the rest of the team, aside from Hotch run to her aid. He didn't move, his head in his hands.

"What's happened?" I almost yelled when I stopped beside him. I felt my anger growing. I needed to know and it had to be now. "Why is she broken? What are you keeping from us?"

"Hotch, tell me it's not true," Garcia pleaded.

"What's not true?" Rossi finally spoke.

"On the news, they... Hotch, it can't be true." In that moment, my heart broke for her. My gaze returned to Hotch, he stood up.

"I'm sorry, Garcia." He hadn't got to finish before the sob consumed her again.

"She can't be dead," Garcia cried out. Who was dead?

"What is going on?" I yelled. Why wasn't he answering us?

"Who can't be dead?" Derek spoke in a softer tone, but I still heard the anger. He just didn't dare scream at Hotch beside Garcia, whom was broken on the floor.

"Wait a minute, where's JJ?" Emily asked in a tone that seemed to be puzzling things together.

Where was I? "Em, I'm right here," I said, exasperated.

There was a sudden silence in the room, as everyone turned away from Garcia to look at Hotch, the tears brewing in his own eyes. There was an unspoken message there. An unspoken message everyone seemed to hear, but me.

"No," Reid whimpered, he shook his head. "Not JJ."

"Reid, what are you talking about?" I tried not to yell at him, but my impatience was growing.

"It's true, JJ's dead."

The sounds of my friend's broken hearts, mixed with the realization hit me all at once and I, too, collapsed on the floor.


	3. Chapter 2: Denial and Realization

**Thank you so much for the positive reviews! I honestly did not think this story would attract any attention, being in first person. Which to me, seems weird for a canon character. But anyways! I am so happy for your reviews, they all made me smile. Now back to poor JJ. **

* * *

><p>I froze at the words. Was I dead? No! Why were they saying that? Forcing a deep breath, I approached Reid and reached to put an arm on his shoulder, to comfort him and let him know I was still here. But what happened, shocked me. My arm went right through! I pulled back as Reid shivered.<p>

I kept telling myself to stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm, stay calm, stay—the rest of the thought was cut off as I let a string of curses and screams escape my mouth. I won't tell you what I said; I'll save you from my bad mouth. I had an excuse, though, I was dead. I wasn't the type to curse. Not at all. But I was dead. No matter how many times I said that, it never seemed real.

I stared at my team, it all made sense now. I remembered the head pain that I had felt at the party; that hot, searing pain followed by blackness and then waking up on the floor. How had I died?

"How?" Reid's trembly voice asked me. My heart lurched for him.

"Suicide," Hotch responded, trying so hard to keep his voice steady. But even I heard it tremble. He really did care for his team.

"JJ would never!" Emily cried out. _Oh, Emily. _I recalled how close we'd grown. I was the only one she'd spoken to after she'd 'died.'

"This can't be real," Reid said. It was so soft, only I heard it. The guilt hit me again. Then the anger did. Suicide? Were they crazy? They were profilers for crying out loud. Hotch should know! He should look into it! He KNOWS me. "

What kind of profiler are you?" I screamed, but once again, there was no response. My breath caught in my throat. Although, now I know I don't need to breathe, just a habit.

I collapsed into the nearest seat, my thoughts drifting a bit. I heard the sound of crying. I didn't look to see who it was. This was all so overwhelming. If I was dead, then why was I here? No heaven, no hell; was this what happened after you died? You were trapped to watch everyone else live for forever? Maybe it only happened with sui—I cut that thought off. What was I thinking? I never committed suicide. In that moment, I let out a nearly inhuman snarl.

Death really does change you. Before I died, it wasn't like me to throw fits. But this was overwhelming.

I stood up suddenly and I bolted through the doors. I ran. I ran hard and fast. I stopped, I was out of breath. Then I paused. If I was dead, did I really need to breathe? Upon realizing this, I felt that chest pains leave. I kept running. Where I was going, I didn't know. Just out of here. Away from my distraught team.

It didn't take very long for me to come to the conclusion that since I didn't kill myself, someone else must be responsible for my death. If I had a beating heart, I'm sure that the thought would have made my blood run cold.

Somehow, I ended up at my front door. Home. My instant reaction was to run home. When I saw Will's car in the driveway, I knew he must have heard the news and was at home. I didn't hesitate and instead ran through the front door. The sight that lay in front of me froze me in my tracks.

What did I feel in that moment? I can't honestly say, even now. I think I was in shock. There on MY couch, the one I'd picked out, Will lay there with another woman in his arms. A snort escaped me, she looked just like me.

"OUR SON IS IN THE OTHER FUCKING ROOM," I screamed. It was useless. They didn't move. I was dead and Will was with another woman.

I tried to cry, but no tears would come out of my eyes. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. A bitter laugh left my lips. You don't die from a broken heart, you just wish that you did.

I was unable to stop thinking of the way that he looked at her. The look in his eyes as he gazed at her...it was the same look that was in my eyes whenever I had looked at him. It's always sad when the people you know become people you knew and it's an even worse feeling to be forgotten by someone who you could never forget. I realized that sometimes our best just isn't good enough; not for those around us, those who love us, or even for ourselves.

In that moment, with my heart shattered in pieces on the sidewalk, where could I run to? Where do you go when your heart is ripped so brutally out of your chest? The answer was obvious for me—to one of my best friends. Emma. My memories of Emma came crashing back.

_"Wait, WHAT? He walked you to your car? Jesus, that's practically proposing to you. How could you let him go?" Her voice had held a note of shock to it._

_Of course, I laughed in response to her comment. It was so rare to find a guy that was both a gentlemen and gorgeous. Brandon was both. Why had I not gone out for a second date? Only Emma, my best friend, could understand._

_"His voice sounded like Mickey Mouse!" I had exclaimed. "There's this drop dead gorgeous and totally sweet guy and suddenly he introduces himself and all I hear is this squeaky, child-like voice!"_

_ "Ooh, okay." Emma's laughter was painful to hear that night, because I was already embarrassed. "He didn't try and get you to watch Disney or something, did he?"_

_I glared at the phone, as if she would telepathically get the message. "Emma, just shut up!"._

_"Sucks though, doesn't it? He was gorgeous."_

_I rolled my eyes. She got more excited about my dates than I did._

I almost smiled at the memory. I was fifteen. I guess I'd put too much thought into looks back then. I'd grown up since and had lost track of Emma. We'd finally reconnected just recently and she hadn't changed much. But I'd changed to such extremes, she could have sworn I was a different person. Or so she said.

This is why I ran to Emma. We'd always been close. She hadn't been in my group of friends in high school, but we still always made time for each other. Heading to her house turned out to be a huge mistake. I heard her sobs before I even reached her room and when I finally walked in, I saw her sprawled on the bed, clutching my picture to her chest. She'd heard the news and she couldn't hear me.

For the second time that day, my heart broke. It tore me into pieces to see my best friend so shattered and helpless. I longed to reach out to her, to hug her. I wanted to do something, anything.

I left her place and decided to go to the park. That had always relaxed me before. I still didn't know how I had died. Obviously it had happened at the party, but how? I wondered if there were any witnesses, if anyone had saw anything or even heard anything. My mood was not improving, but then again, the situation wasn't ideal. Saying it was a disaster would be putting it mildly.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of the yappy barking of a little Pomeranian who was fussing over where I walked. Maybe that old line about animals being able to sense things was true? I watched as his owner, a tiny old lady dressed in all red, pulled him away, her hat nearly falling off her head.

"No, Killer," she complained as she tugged the little monster along. Don't get me wrong, I loved dogs, but I was in a terrible mood to begin with and being barked at was not helping. Now, I can laugh at the irony of the name. Then? All I could think of was why in the world do people find it funny to name their little ankle biters threatening names? I still don't know.

I scowled after the white fluff ball as he kept tugging at his leash, trying to get to me, and finally ended up getting dragged through the grass. Was this going to be a regular occurrence? I really hoped not.


	4. Chapter 3: The Stranger

**Next chapter! Whoot! Although, still sad JJ's dead. But I hope to had some comic relief in here. =D **

***dances* Thanks for all the reviews. You guys are the best! **

* * *

><p><em>Frankly, I'm not sure I could have stopped myself from falling for Will if I had even tried. In spite of all the grief, the searing heartache, and the hollow feeling of loss that would forever linger in my chest, I was glad to have let him into my life. If you asked me to explain this, I wouldn't be able to, because logically, it just doesn't make any sense. Survival instincts tell us to avoid what can hurt us, but I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame; in that moment before I was engulfed in the blaze, I was blissfully warm. There was no logic, and there is still no logic. If I could be that warm again, I might risk the burn.<em>

Maybe I was happy that I met him, because if I hadn't, then I would never had gotten to have Henry, and loved him with all my heart before I died. I wish I could hate him. I really do. It hurt me and destroyed him. Hating him would be so much easier. So much less painful.

My walking took me back to the BAU. Like a secondary home. I was shocked to see the team still there. In the conference room. They were sitting in their chairs, just talking. What they were talking about disturbed me, and disgusted me. _My funeral._ That made it seem so real. It was morbid. I was watching them plan my funeral.

"She deserves the best," Garcia sniffled.

Hotch nodded his agreement, not speaking. He seemed lost in space. I could see through it. He was trying to remain so tough, but he did care about me and miss me. Even Morgan, whom I was never close to looked broken. It was nice to know they cared but I felt so guilty. They were all hurting so much. My stomach lurched when I saw the brochures. There were _ coffin_ brochures. I couldn't believe it.

When I was alive, I had never given much thought to death. I saw so many victims but it never crossed my mind, one of them would be me. I found myself wondering who would attend my funeral. It was such a simple, innocent thought. But it consumed me. If Will showed up, I would be a bit angry. To be "grieving" for my death when I knew what he was doing behind closed doors? I would be furious to see him there.

I still couldn't be here, I still couldn't just stand there and watch them all. While before I didn't want to be faced with my family's sadness, now I didn't want to stay and watch them plan my funeral. This place didn't have the feeling that it used to have; it was just filled with pain and anger and lies of what happened to me. I didn't want to be here. I had to leave.

I ran away. If I was alive, I don't know if I'd have been able to handle this much running. But I did. I was grieving for my own death, as weird as it sounded. My emotions were that of my teenage self. I didn't feel like an adult. All I wanted to do was scream, cry, stamp my feet and throw a tantrum.

I found myself back at the park from before, not a yappy dog in sight this time. Not a little one, anyways; my lip curled in annoyance as a bigger dog, a Newfoundland dog I think, growled in my direction. I dismissed that temporary fear I felt as flashbacks of Tobias Henkle came back. I loved small dogs, but big ones still terrified me. Not that I'd ever have admitted that to my team. That fear quickly diminished when the painful reminded came that I was already dead. I know, I've said that a lot... But it's still hard to come to terms with.

What was I doing here? I should go to Canada, Australia, anywhere but here. Anywhere where I wouldn't constantly be reminded. I could haunt some people, that would make me forget. I tossed the idea aside with a laugh, I wouldn't do that although the picture of Reid's face if I haunted him did get another laugh out of me. I wondered if it was possible for me to kill myself in my new ghostly form. Of course, I wanted to figure out who killed me first; my eyes flashed in that familiar anger that I'd experienced so many times over the last few hours. Time felt like it was dragging by. It'd only been hours, but it felt like days.

"Running away never solved anything, you know." a voice chimed in, breaking me from my thoughts.

Despite the fact my heart was no longer beating, I could have sworn that I felt it jump in my chest. I looked around frantically. That's when I caught sight of him; a man who looked to be around my age, his green eyes staring into mine.

I turned around to see if there was someone behind me that he could have been talking to; there was no one. I turned back around to meet his gaze.

"Yes, I'm talking to you," His voice shocked me, as he tilted his head. I hadn't realized it the first time, but he had an accent. I couldn't figure out what kind, though, I wasn't that good at that kind of thing.

"You can see me?" I said breathlessly, as I walked towards him. Should I be scared? I was dead, what more could happen to me? As I approached him, his gaze never shook nor strayed from me.

His eyes bored into mine for a few moments. I heard the sounds of the geese over in the park and I even managed to hear two young children arguing over a frisbee; it was when the girl finally agreed to let the boy go first that he spoke. Perhaps he had been listening to them with a piercing curiosity, as well.

"Yes, I can see you," His tone was boring just like his hair which was a simple brown colour.

"Who are you?" I was careful to make sure my tone was flat and didn't dispense any emotion whatsoever.

I definitely felt my frustration grow as he only raised his eyebrow in response. I felt my chin tremble in anger. "Just tell me, god damn it." This time my voice came out loud and full of an underlying rage.

He shook his head and smiled. Why was he smiling? "Tut, tut. Dying really does cause a temper in young people."

My eyes were aflame with a bitter enmity. "What do you want?" I didn't stop to wonder about how he knew I was dead. This thought never occurred to me. I never stopped to think if he was like me or if he was merely a person able to see the dead. All I thought in that moment was that his amusement at my irritation was making me all the more frustrated.

He sighed, as he lowered his head. When his eyes met mine again, I knew. I knew what he wanted, I knew who he was and I knew what was coming


	5. Chapter 4:

**Author's Note: The mystery man, dun dun dun. **

**I still have the next few chapters planned out, so I expect daily updates at the moment. It's so hard not to update more than that! Lol. Anyways, again. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your lovely reviews! They all make me smile and make my day. Thank you! **

* * *

><p>"You're the Reaper." I didn't know if I felt relieved or terrified. I guess I was both, throw in overwhelmed there as well. That was the basics of how I felt. I felt that gnawing irritation come back when he laughed. That's right. Here I am dead and he's laughing at me. Through gritted teeth, I snapped at him. "Why. Are. You. Laughing?" I demanded, I felt a rush of heat through my cheeks. I wondered if in death if my pale complextion began a red lobster colour when I was embarrassed. It had when I was alive. Will used to think the blush in my cheeks was lovely. Focus. I had to focus.<p>

He smiled that annoying smirk at me. "That's one way of putting it." He then shook his head. "I'm not 'the' Reaper. There are many of us. I was once alive like you. Certain people have to take those that have died to the other side after death." He shrugged nonchalantly. As if death was no big deal.

I swallowed slowly. I wiped my hands on my pants. "Let me guess. You're here for me." I took a small step backwards as he walked towards me.

"You must have known this was coming," the man said, no more humour or amusement on his face.

"I didn't know a damn thing that was happening! How was I supposed to know this was coming?" I stomped my foot a little over dramatically. Throwing a fiery glance at him, I fought the urge to bite my tongue.

The fury pounded in my chest again as he arched his eyebrow, that carefree attitude on his face again. In fact he looked bored. "I really don't have time for this. If you'll just come with me now and drop the pre teen temper tantrums."

I threw my head side to side in my panic. I had wanted to move on. I didn't want to see any of this. I didn't want to see my family suffer, my friends or have to see Henry and know he'll grow up without a mother. In fact, I'd love nothing more than to just wake up in my bed and have this all be a really bad dream. I'd take the world's worst hang over if I could live. I'd do many things if I could have a chance at life again. It's amazing what people will do, just to live. In fact, I wonder what is so great about life now? There's so much pain and suffering. But there's also love. I guess I answered my own question.

"There's nothing for you here. What do you gain by staying here?" That same bored, flat tone of his again.

In the distance, I heard the chirping of the birds. I saw the trees moving in the wind. That's when I realized it. I couldn't feel the wind. It was as if it wasn't there. It was as if I was standing in a movie and watching it play while I stood trapped on the side lines. None of this felt real.

"I can find out who murdered me." I went through the files of memory in my head as I tried to think of who was capable of it.

I saw that look on his face. He knew. He knew who killed me.

"Who did it?" I demanded.

"I can't say." He shook his head at me. I could see the impatience writing itself all over his face. Was this really what I wanted? Did I want to find out? There was a huge chance I wouldn't like what I found.

_Well of course stupid._ My inner voice shouted at me. _You were murdered. Obviously there will be things you don't want to know._

"Shut up," I muttered aloud.

I ignored the expression on the boy's face. It was none of his business.

"I'm not surprised you don't want to go. Elle didn't want to either." An expression of sadness briefly took over his feelings.

"You took, Elle?" I tried to hide the shock in his voice and judging from the look on his face I was not successful.

Elle. Elle Greenaway. She'd killed herself a few months ago. I still wondered about her from time to time. I had even attended her funeral. The team did. Even Emily and Rossi who didn't know her. It'd come as a huge shock. Her and I had been getting in touch again. We'd become friends again. Even went out for coffee and she gushed over Henry.

"Will I see her?" Gone was the anger and bitterness in my tone. Instead my tone showed the child inside me. The innocent child, so hurt and afraid. I was lost. I'd lost one of my friends.

He tilted his head to the side, a mischievous smile overtaking his lovely face, reaching all the way up to his eyes. "There's no guarantees."

"I'm not leaving. I have to find out who did it," I hissed at him. My thoughts were stopped short when a child ran through me, carrying his kite.

"I can not allow that. Not a chance." There was a determination on his face I hadn't noticed before. I guess it was possible it wasn't there before.

"Well, that's too bad." I didn't feel patient anymore. In fact I didn't feel anything. I was motivated though.

"You don't understand. You have five days to go to the other side. Or you're trapped here forever." The panic began to come out in little squeaks. "And that's another scratch against me." His dark look got even worse when I looked at him, the question obvious in my eyes. "We keep track, a scoreboard. I have to have a certain number of successes in order to get to move on."

I chewed my tongue for a few moments. In my head I could picture the hour glass, the little specks of sand falling gently through._ Tick tock._ I pictured an old grandfather clock chiming on the hour. _Tick tock._ I also pictured a Grim Reaper chasing me, like the ones in movies. The ones with the big black hoods and long cloaks._Tick tock_. I pictured myself, still frozen in time looking how I do now watching an old man, struggle to walk with his cane. I realized it was Henry. _Tick tock._ That overwhelming fear overtook me again. I inhaled, I couldn't breathe. My chest tightened. I relaxed a bit when I realized I don't need to breathe. I wasn't fully calm though. No, now I was determined.

"Then help me," I said it harshly.

"I can't." There really was sadness in his voice now. What a shocker, the imbecile had feelings.

"Well, I'm not waiting anymore." I glared at him and stomped away angrily. I guess when I heard his footsteps behind me, following closely at my heels, I wasn't overly shocked. It did increase my annoyance level. It did make me want to rip his head off.

"Fine," he snapped, his tone equally as pissed off. If not more.

"Fine," I froze. Where was I going? I have 120 hours to figure out who killed me. Where did I start?

"You do realize you have 108 hours left, right?" That sarcasm found it's way into his voice again.

"You do realize you have 108 hours left, right?" I mimicked. I knew I was being childish. But I didn't care. He was pissing me off.


	6. Chapter 5:

**Again, thank you so much for all the kind reviews! They honestly make my day! =D **

* * *

><p>I knew I couldn't out run him but that didn't stop me from trying. I ran. Of course I did. You can't imagine my relief when I looked back and realized he was no longer behind me. I ran back to work. I couldn't stand to go home right now. Despite the tense environment there. It was my safe place. I ran right into my office and saw Garcia in there. Sobbing, as she boxed my things.<p>

What was she doing in here? Torturing herself like this. My eyes narrowed, that's when I saw him.

He was tilting his head looking at Garcia's stained face. "Terrible thing, isn't it?"

"You do know there's a higher percentage of people not being able to move on from the death of a loved one when their loved one doesn't move on than those who accept their fate." He advanced on me. "You being here is hurting her more than you know."

I finally looked up to meet his patronizing gaze. "I need to find out the truth."

He gave me a look of disgust as Morgan walked in. Morgan's eyes... They were dull, hollow and emotionless.

"Baby girl, you don't need to do this now. Or do it yourself. Let one of us do it," he pleaded with her.

She shook her head. "I have to do it," she choked out between sobs.

I couldn't watch. I saw him lean in and hug her, and I ran. Again.

The tears finally came. I sobbed. I ran out of the room, through the wall and collapsed on the bathroom floor inside one of the stalls. I reached up to wipe my face. It wasn't needed. I was crying but no tears came. The man came in a few moments after, his own face twisted in pain.

After a few minutes, I finally pulled myself back together and kept going. My throat clenched and my eyes burned with the sobs I forced myself to hold back.

"I'm not supposed to empathize," he spoke softly. "But this just reminds me of my parents after my death." I nodded. I understood and in that moment some of my anger at him vanished.

"Why are you forced to take those who die?" I tilted my head in confusion, trying to ignore the pain I was feeling.

"I killed myself." He wouldn't meet my eyes. I could see the pain and distress radiating from his face. "Suicides have to reap until the fulfill their quota."

I was in shock. What did I say? I reached out to put a hand on his shoulder but then retracted it. "I'm sorry." The words came out shaky, but they were sincere.

"It doesn't matter." Now his tone was lifeless, emotionless. "I just want to move on. You're the last person I need, then I can move on. And you're making this difficult."

My eyes rested on the black wall behind the sink. "I have to know." How many times had I said it? I was trying to justify my need to find out.

"Yes. I'm so sure." His sarcastic reply annoyed me. What else was new?

Before I could snap right back at him another thought occured to me. "If suicides reap, where is Elle?" I would have much rather had her here.

Now his gaze flickered over to the door. I felt my stomach drop. The expression on his face was a dead giveaway. "No..." I voiced it so quietly that I was sure he didn't hear me.

My fears were confirmed when he nodded. "Yes."

I trembled. My whole body did. It took all my strength to push myself to my feet. "She didn't kill herself."

"Nope." The way he said it made me want to slap him.

"Then... What? Accident?" There was a last ray of shining hope in my words.

"Don't be stupid. You know." His hard gaze met me again.

And it was true. I did know. She was murdered. She was murdered and I'd had no idea. Had she gone crazy trying to find out who did it? How didn't I see it? Simple. After her leaving the team, and all that had taken place, it made sense. It was sad, but I wasn't surprised she'd done it. And now to find out she hadn't?

As if reading my thoughts, he answered. "It didn't take her long to remember. And she was anxious to move on." He bowed his head down as if paying respects.

I stuttered for a few moments before I got the question out. "Who did it?"

He shook his head. "You know I can't tell you."

Seething, I turned my back on him. "Was it the same person who killed me?" My entire voice shook with the anger I felt. Who would kill Elle? I spun around to see him nodding his head. I swallowed. Again.

I stood frozen as a memory tried to get through the barriers of my mind, clearly blocking it out. There was a voice, and in the blur I could see the night stand beside the bed I was sitting on.

_It was my voice, shaky but firm. "You murdered, Elle!"_

_"Of course I murdered her!" The other voice rang out. The voice, it was so distorted I couldn't tell if it was male or female._

I squinted, I was trying to see who it was. I couldn't. It was all a huge blur. All the colours appeared squished together. But then it hit me. I found out and they killed me... I found out they killed, Elle. Whoever they were.

"Are we done here?" He asked in a bored tone, clearly oblivious to the memory trying to get into my mind. I wasn't stupid. I knew he was trying to hide his empathy. Who could blame him?

Before I could give him an answer, I fainted. Apparently, that was still possible. The last thing I saw before my head hit the ground was the shock written on the man's face. It was then I wondered his name. I hadn't asked his name. Then all went blank.


	7. Chapter 6: The Funeral

When I woke he wasn't there. I rubbed my forehead and was surprised that it did not hurt. Quickly, I closed my eyes before standing up. I've never fainted in my life and now I fainted in death?

It took a few moments for my vision to clear up. All I could see were blurs. When it did, I stood up on shaking legs. How long had I been out? I hoped I hadn't wasted too much time. My head swirling with many thoughts, I cracked my neck side to side. I even stretched. It didn't do any good. Old habits. You know what they say. Old habits die hard. Well, isn't that the truth?

Eventually it all came back to me. At least this time I wasn't in shock I was dead. I'd accepted it. But I was in shock about Elle. Had she really been murdered? Why should I believe anything that guy said? I sighed, I guess I didn't want to believe it.

Everyone had been devestated. So many went to her funeral. I remember seeing her parents, holding each other the whole time. Her mother never looked up and the haunted look on her brother's gaze had stuck with me.

I almost hadn't gone to her funeral. I felt too shaken. But then I remembered how I had not attended my grandma's funeral due to the pain. I also remembered the regret and guilt I felt. Hence, I went. I remembered feeling as if my heart had been ripped from my chest. I felt like it had been stomped on, run over and buried.

Still shaken, I finally managed to make it over to the sink where I grasped the counter top firmly as I tried to look and see how a wreck I looked like. No one stared back at me as I stared into the mirror. _What did you expess, dumbass?_ My inner voice asked me.

"Shut up," I said aloud again as I finally decided to force myself to go face the day.

The first thing I did was peer into my bedroom. _Wait, when did I manage to get home?_ I felt so confused. There was no one there. Slowly and carefully, I walked down the hall towards Henry's room and that's when my heart shattered, again. There he was, in a little suit... Will was helping him step into his shoes. Henry was only four and now without a mother. I chose to ignore Will. I didn't have the patience to deal with those emotions.

That's when it hit me, why else would Henry and Will be in their suits?

But it made sense. He was going to my funeral._ Wait, my funeral?_ I'd just died a few hours ago. They surely did not have much time to plan a funeral. My eyes widened as he stood up and walked through me. I ignored the shiver that passed through him.

"That's right, they're going to your funeral." I twirled around to see that man standing behind me, watching this unfold with that expression of no emotion.

"You were out for two days you know," he said acting as if that wasn't a big deal.

"What?" I demanded softly. Two days? What?

He shrugged. "Well if you want to be precise... 52 hours."

"You are impossible!" I breathed. Would I attend my own funeral? I would. I was too curious for my own good. I had to attend my funeral. Perhaps, I could see if anyone looked guilty. Maybe it would be helpful. Or maybe I could be pushing myself deeper into this hole I was buried in. My life was falling apart. The irony of that though. My life was over. That was correct. I was just learning about betrayal, lies and murder.

Are you coming?" I seethed at the boy. I made a mental note to ask his name later.

He smirked, "wouldn't miss it for the world."

I glared at him as I followed my family out. I felt that nervous tug inside. Did I really want to know? Did I really want to see? I dismissed those thoughts. What I want and what I need aren't always on the same page. I needed to know. Whether I wanted to or not.

I was a bit shocked at how many attended my funeral. I saw the team, I saw Emma and I saw my parents. I saw many others. I'd never realized how many people cared. The pain on their faces... I let out a strangled cry. My parents had already lost one daughter to suicide and now they believed that I'd done the same. Guilt. Such an overwhelming emotion. I hadn't done anything wrong. But still, I felt guilty.

Will wore a dark blue tux. He didn't have a black one anymore, I knew that. But I was still angry. It was then I realized I was more mad at myself than him. Mad at myself for being so stupid. For always being nice, for apologizing for things I didn't do. I was angry with myself for getting attached, for making him my life, depending on him, wasting my time with him and thinking about him. Most of all, I hated myself for not hating him. I knew I should, but I couldn't. I still can't.

"You promised!" I yelled at him. And he had. He had promised he would love me and be with me forever. He didn't give so much as a glance in my direction. He couldn't see me. This didn't stop me. I yelled until I imagined my throat going raw.

"Nothing in life is promised except Death."

I saw him out of the corner of my eye. A part of me wondered where he had gone off to.

"You again." My words weren't cruel, nor cold but they weren't welcoming or relieved either.

"Me." He grinned, flashing his perfect straight teeth.

Grumbling, I crossed my arms. It was childish, yes I was mad. I was mad because I knew he was right.

"It's a nice ceremony," he said sparing a glance towards everyone that had come.

"I guess," I muttered, still so obviously frustrated. But he was right. It was nice. That didn't make being dead any easier.

"Jennifer, we used to call her 'JJ'. She was a daughter, a friend and a hero to many, "

This caught my attention, Reid was speaking...

"She always put others first. She was the perfect shoulder to cry on. She was the laughter in my life on my darkest days... I considered her a sister. She wasn't afraid to take chances. She'd be jumping through fiery hoops while many failed to jump through normal ones. We shared a powerful bond. I knew I had to say passing words to her today. But a huge part of me could not bring myself to stand in front of you and share what I thought of as my personal failure and speak of such kind words of my JJ. You see, I was punishing myself for her passing because I held myself as her protector. And she should not have died. She was much too young."

_Oh Reid,_ I thought, _please don't feel guilty. It wasn't your fault. _

"I have come to terms with the fact that she is gone. I believe a part of me will always feel guilty." The tears flowed freely down his face now. "But, I love her and I know she wouldn't want me to blame-"

That was it. He didn't finish. The sobs consumed him now. They took control of his whole body, even his legs as they buckled out from him. Hotch and Morgan managed to get to the stage and help him down. I didn't realize it until I was right in front of him that I had flown to my feet. I had been so eager to catch him, to help him, to take away his pain. I couldn't though. All I could do was stand there and watch him crumble while the entire body of people was silence, except for the occasional sniffle from someone in obvious tears.


	8. Chapter 7:

**Again, thank you for your faithful reviews. They make me so happy. ^.^ **

* * *

><p>Everyone always says, "It will be okay…" Those are the words I've heard so many times in my life. I heard them when my grandma died, when my father was struggling with his poison, alcohol. I even heard them when I scraped my knee after I fell off my bike when I was five. They always say those words but the pain never really goes, does it? I always had a scar from when I fell. And the other emotional pain? They leave a scar on a place much more vulnerable, your heart. When people say "it'll be okay" a part of you knows it won't. A part of you knows that your life is forever changed by this event that has caused someone to say those words. And that's the truth. It's never okay because it's never the same. And most people don't like change. But it does get easier, in time. However, it can only get easier if you let it out. Most people bury their pain. They're ashamed of it. Then one day it explodes, causing them to feel the hurt at an extreme. After that, it does get easier. Each day it gets a little easier.<p>

Watching my family in that moment, I remembered praying. I prayed for the first time in a long time that the pain would go away quickly for them.

"A mother should only have to worry about picking out a crib for her child but not an outfit for her funeral."

Those words broke up my thoughts and I turned to see my mom standing there. I didn't think it was possible for my heart to shatter any more...

I had to see. There was no question about it. Squeezing my eyes shut, I approached the coffin before I quickly opened them. There I lay. My mother had picked out my outfit, I could tell. A smile tugged at my lips as I thought about all the outfit arguments we'd had.

I watched the others walking around. Some leaving to go to their cars, some lingering at my grave. Some even approached my parents. Not even half of those that approached actually stayed to talk. Many chickened out and left. I wasn't angry. In fact I understood. What do you say? How do you comfort a parent that has just buried their child?

"Seen enough yet?" His voice was in my ear again.

"I don't know who killed me yet." I was persistant. I had not given up yet.

"What if when you find out, you wish you hadn't?"

I couldn't meet his eyes. Again. I changed the subject. "What is your name?" I finally looked into his eyes, not shifting my gaze in the slightest.

He crossed his arms now. He seemed to be debating telling me. It tooks ages, but he finally spoke. "My name is Mark." It was simple. I hadn't expected that.

"How long have you been dead?" I shifted my weight nervously. That was a very personal question.

Grimacing, he stood taller. He must be over six feet tall. "Sixty years."

My eyebrows knitted together in sympathy. "I'm sorry."

"Do you know how terrible it's been? I've seen my parents die and move on to the other side already. I'm still here. Until I deal with you."

Shifting my weight again, I looked at the tree on the edge of the cemetery. I definitely felt uncomfortable now.

"You've waited sixty years, what's a few more hours?"

He shook his head. "You don't get it. You don't get what it's like. And if you don't make it over in time you will be stuck here, forever."

An unwanted shiver shook me as I bit down on my lip. "I'll figure it out by then."

"I hope so." There was an unspoken knowledge there. He knew I wouldn't go even if I hadn't figured it out in time. I'd stay until I got it and understood who killed me.

A part of me considered going to the police station but I figured it would be a waste of time. And it would. When Elle died, they didn't look into it. They just scratched it off as suicide. I assume they don't want to think about the possibility of murder. Not that I can fully blame them. It's a terrible thing. I still wish they had looked into her death a little more. Whoever killed me, murdered Elle before. That was at least two murders on their plate. Were they a serial killer? I needed to find out who. When I found out who I would find some way to make sure they never killed again.

I didn't have much time. Just around sixty hours. So why did I go to Emma? I'm not too sure. I felt I needed to. I could tell by Mark's complaining and his tone that he thought this was a waste of time. Glaring at him, I quieted him with a look. He continued to grumble under his breath. I ignored him.

Emma beat me there.

"Oh, JJ, why?" Those words were so full of hurt and even a touch of betrayal that I almost lost my self composure. I wonder if she'd ever know the truth. And if she found out the truth would it hurt her more or less? I decided on less. After all, who really wants to believe someone they loved killed themselves? I would rather think Emma had been murdered if I was in her place and she in mine. Then I could focus my sadness on a burning anger. I could find out who did it and make them pay.

When we reached her house, I saw Emma hesitate outside the door. It was amazing how little colour her hair and clothes had. She just had this dull feeling to her. I changed my mind about it being him when I looked everywhere. The normally bright, green grass was a dull colour and had a grey tinge to it. Everything did.

In panic I turned to Mark, "what's going on?"

It took him a minute to understand what I meant. "You're dead. That's part of what drives those crazy that stay. Everything eventually goes to black and white. Once your hours are up, it will be completely black and white and you'll be trapped."

I grimaced, that would drive people crazy. It would be like being stuck in a black and white movie that never ended and I'd never liked those movies. Cursing under my breath some more, I looked up to see Emma gone and when I found her in her room, she had my suicide note. My _ forged_ suicide note.

"The plot thickens," he drawled in his accent. I still wondered what it was.

"Oh, shove it." I was done being polite, if I ever had been polite and I stomped out of the room.

"Sheesh, you do have a temper." I ignored his tsking and made my way downstairs.

"It was in your file," he called after me, running to keep up with my furious pace.

"My file?" I spun around to face him.

"Yes, I get a file before I take you. It's supposed to help me figure you out to best get you to the other side." He shrugged as if this was normal.

I guess it was normal, for him. "Let me see it," I said through clenched teeth. So it was his job to profile me.

"Temper, temper. I can't show you. It's against protocol."

"It's against protocol," I mimicked him again.

"It said nothing in your file about you being five. It says you're supposed to be in your thirties."

"Oh, shut up," I glared at him. He was so aggravating! Why couldn't I have got a different person?

"Oh, shut up." Now he was mimicking me.

I was wasting time with this loser. I had to back to where the party happened. Back to where I died. "Why don't you just stay here?" I called back to him as I ran out the door.

That didn't work. Had I expected it to? A part of me had hoped. When I got out the door he was right in front of me. How did he do that? He must be able to teleport.

"I'm coming with you, I don't have a choice. Oh and in case you're wondering you now have fifty five hours left."

I hissed at him as I ran down the side walk.

"Your file also says you're a human, not a cat!"


	9. Chapter 8:

**Author's note: Thanks for all the reviews guys! I'm not sure if Reid lives in an apartment or not, but it works best with this chapter if he ahs a house, so that's where he is. XD In a house. **

* * *

><p>"Stop humming!" I kicked a rock at Mark, he laughed and jumped over it. Oh, he was so aggravating.<p>

And then he began to sing.

"How about you stop making noise, period?" I was originally heading towards the party but somehow I managed to turn around and ended up going towards Reid's. I had to see him. I really wished I could get there faster, Mark was driving me up the wall.

My jaw dropped a bit when I saw that there wasn't just Reid at his place. I'd only ever dropped him off, never seen the inside. It was a small house. What was this? Some sort of 'JJ"s dead' get together? I didn't hesitate and went through the door. They were all in the living room. A part of me wanted to smile when I saw all the piles of books by the wall. I assumed Reid had to clear off the chairs and couch. He really was a nerd.

"JJ, was an amazing person." It was Will speaking. Was I imagining it or was he crying? He was crying. "And she died mad at me." I definitely heard the cracking in his voice.

The girl from the house patted his arm. "I'm sure she forgave you."

_That little... _I couldn't help my thoughts. I was glad to see Emily give her a questioning look.

"How did you know JJ?" she demanded a bit harshly.

"Oh, JJ and I have been friends for like ever," the girl giggled.

I saw Emily glare at her. _You go Em! You're right. I don't even know her. _

I was very relieved to see that Garcia had Henry in her arms.

Will shook his head. "I admitted to her that I'd been seeing another woman. It's my fault she killed herself.

_I didn't kill myself! _

"Did you end it?" Hotch spoke now through gritted teeth.

Liar. He hadn't told me that. Or had he? I couldn't remember. He was sitting here worried about me being mad?

Was I mad? That was his main concern after I was dead? After he had shattered my heart and left me broken on the ground. Why would I be mad? Because he was a cheating bastard, a liar and the fact that I trusted him? I had to smile. I was mad at myself, still. For beliving in him. For thinking he could be different. What an ass. Simple as that.

"What an ass." I was shocked to hear Mark say that. He stood there watching the scene unfold with a growing curiousity.

That girl got to her feet. What was this? What was her name even? She lifted her head up. "Jenny (_JENNY! I mentally screamed) _was an amazing girl." She paused at all the eyes on her. I could tell, she was struggling to think of something to say. I smirked. "She was an amazing girl..." She paused, I figured she realized she'd already said that. "She was so full of life, so compassionate and helpful. And I miss her a lot." She sat down.

I didn't miss the glare Emily shot at her, nor did the girl.

Wow, some speech. I was touched. Not. That was just my sarcasm sparking after death. I'd never been a sarcastic person alive... In fact, a lot had changed about me since I'd died. It was like I was a different person. Perhaps that was the anger.

That's when I noticed Garcia stand up. I was still confused about this get together. It seemed they'd all come here to talk about me. I felt touched... But confused.

"Jennifer." She paused, looking at everyone. "I've known her for a long time."

I wasn't shocked to see the tears fill in Garcia's eyes.

"I think what scares me most about her death, is that she seemed so happy. She seemed so content and excited about her future. It shows me that we are all more vulnerable than we'd like to think. She was so strong and she never let anyone walk all over her."

I saw her eyes trail over to Will whom shifted uncomfortably.

"She was one of my best friends. We went shopping, drinking, and she was there for me when everything happened. The world has lost an amazing girl and I'll always miss her."

She looked like she wanted to say more but she sat down. This time I really was touched. That was a speech and I ached to tell her I missed her too. I watched Emma, whom I was shocked to see was sitting in the corner.

I wasn't hurt when she didn't speak. I knew she was hurting on her own and missed me. I missed some of the words shared after this. I was so touched and grateful for this get together. It made me feel loved. Either way, people came. To remember me. A part of me soared. I wanted to be remembered. Remember to remember me and forget to forget me. I silently pleaded.

A rush of memories hit me from that night and I fell to the ground. Mark looked at me with concern. At least I thought it was concern. That look seemed so unnatural on his face I couldn't be sure.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?" Mark's voice was quiet, no sarcasm or anger.<p>

I nodded. What had I missed? I looked up to realize mostly everyone was gone. I was shaken. I heard the shower and figured that must be where Reid was. I saw that girl and Will sit on the couch. She leaned in to kiss him but he pushed her away. I couldn't help the smug smile on my face.

"We just buried her!" He stood up, the disgust in his voice.

"Yes, and you left her before she died." Her tone was soft and pleading.

"She killed herself because of me. Because of us. She was my best friend and I destroyed her." Will was angry.

A part of me felt hopeful. It disappeared quickly though. He may have cared but he didn't love me and that's what I wanted.

"What a tramp." Mark shook his head at the blonde hair, blue eyed beauty who sat on the couch with obvious venom in her eyes. She didn't care I was gone. She just wanted in my ex's pants. How typical. How horrible. How, well, Mark said it. Trampy.

I watched the _tramp_ storm out and Will followed behind her, hands in his pockets, head down low. And I was hit with a rush of memories. Our best ones and the worst. Whether he had loved me or not we had shared something special. And I now knew he was aware of that.

Time is not our slave; rather we are the slaves of Time. Time moves on when you don't want it to. You can't fast forward, rewind or pause any moments in your life in which you want to. You make the decision and it's final, you can't change it. It's like writing in pen; you can't go back and erase what you've done if you make a mistake it's there to stay. You can try and cross it out and make it not visible so that other people can't tell what it is you did wrong but when you look back on it, look at that line making a feeble attempt to cross it out and you know. It doesn't matter if other people know what mistake you made what matters is you know and you can't erase it no matter how much you want to.

As much as I had wanted to pause the good memories forever, time had moved on. And now we were here. After this a part of me decided he had to miss me even a little. We had history. That didn't just go away.

I saw Mark leaning on the door frame, his eyes going back and forth between me and Will's retreating back.  
>It took ages but he finally spoke. "JJ, we're wasting time. You have just under 50 hours left."<p>

I sighed, the only good thing about being dead was I didn't have to sleep but that still wasn't much time to figure out who killed me.

"He's still an ass," Mark muttered as I stood there staring where Will had just moments ago been.

"Shut up."

Mark coughed, I paid no attention to him nor what he had snuck in that cough. I couldn't be here any more. The pain for Will was a mixture of things. I couldn't watch this. A part of me was still angry at him. I was still angry at him for what he had done to me. In the end, I left. But not before I heard Reid crying in the bathroom.


	10. Chapter 9: Bittersweet Memories

**Author's note: Again, thank you so much for the reviews! You guys are awesome!**

* * *

><p>I wasn't feeling so cocky anymore. I'd long since stopped snapping at Mark and stopped complaining about everything he said or did. I didn't have the energy. I was scared. I was no close to finding my killer. I didn't have long left. I couldn't leave this unfinished. Who would want to kill me?<p>

We walked in silence down the side walk. He often suggested we 'teleport.' I told him that was impossible, but had humoured him and tried. It hadn't worked. He insisted this was because I believed it wouldn't work. I told him that was crap.

He even went as far to say that if I didn't believe the ground would support me, I'd fall through. I didn't have the patience to try, so we kept walking down the side walk. The wind blew the fallen leaves up around and of course I didn't feel the chill it created. I heard children playing, singing, laughing. I heard dogs barking. I heard cars moving. It was amazing how after a death, the world could still go on. I bet Reid would be able to tell me how many death's the world suffered a day because I didn't know. But I wondered. I was a statistic now, and where did that stand?

_There had been a silence, though not an awkward silence as if we didn't know what to say. This silence was a peaceful, calming silence between us. We were barely aware of the waves crashing in the background as we walked hand in hand along the deserted beach. Stars hung overhead making this already peaceful moment even more relaxed. I looked up to see the smile on Will's face and my heart leaped. Although they'd been together for fourteen months, I still got butterflies when I saw him, was still speechless at the sound of his voice and when he was there it felt like nothing else mattered. Will caught my eye and I blushed, I felt her cheeks heating up. It was like a high school love. Careful as to not make it obvious I felt embarrassed at being caught staring, I looked away towards the ocean. The night was so dark and mysterious you couldn't tell where the water ended and the sky began. The only give away was the reflection of the moon blanketing the ripples of the ocean._

_"I love you." The words flowed from Will's lips and sent shivers down my spine. Turning to face me, he embraced my slender figure in a hug. Being that close to Will was so amazing it was almost unbearable to me. Resting his chin on my head, he let out a sigh of contentment. Everything was so perfect right now, if only we could have stayed in that moment forever. Will looked down into my vibrant blue eyes and felt a rush of happiness. The look in my eyes was pure adoration and we realized that right now everything was okay. Leaning down ever so slightly Will kissed me lightly on the forehead; pulling back he broke out in laughter. Confusion taking control over me, I gave Will a quick, accusing glance._

_"Your hair, it tickled my nose and got in the way." He explained rapidly between laughs._

_I had shared his laughter; my long, blonde hair was always getting in the way. Startled out of the calmness of the reserved atmosphere, I had jumped up as my phone vibrated. Reluctantly, I'd reached into my pocket and withdrew myphone. As I flipped it open to answer my mother's call Will snatched it from her hands._

_"Hey!" I screamed playfully as I took off after Will down the beach, the sand kicking up behind me._

_Will looked back over his shoulder and gave me a smirk, his long legs allowing him to keep ahead of me. "Hay is for horses."_

_With a frustrated growl, I had attempted to pick up the pace, going as fast as my legs would allow me to go. Will slowed down to taunt me then as I got close jumped away. Feeling quite victorious Will celebrated his victory too soon, just as he was about ten paces ahead of me he tripped and fell onto his stomach. A couple seconds later he felt my weight land on top of him. Being cautious not to hurt me we fought in the sand a bit. Somehow in all this Will ended up lying on his back with me sitting on his stomach. Out of breath Will gave in and returned my phone. Sticking my tongue out at Will, I'd collapsed on the sand beside him and watched the stars in the sky feeling comforted by his presence. I had taken a few deep breaths and that night... That was our first._

I tried to ignore the sharp pains in my chest. I shouldn't be thinking about Will right now. I should be thinking about me and how I'm going to find my killer. Ignoring the look Mark shot my way, I started to walk faster.

"He's an idiot you know," he said trying to comfort me, smiling that cheesy grin.

"What do you know?" I snapped. Somehow... Letting myself be angry was easier than being sad. I felt less vulnerable.

"That you're a great girl and I would never have done that to you," he replied shrugging his shoulders.

"Really? I asked a bit more softly this time. A smile touched my lips for the first time in awhile.

"I also know that you're a stubborn female who thinks she's a cat." He now smirked at me.

I rolled my eyes. He was impossible but somehow I found myself laughing.

I was finally starting to calm down and beginning to relax when Mark's terrified screams startled me out of my thoughts.

"JJ! Run. Now!"

I looked back at him, expecting to see an amused glint in his eyes and a smirk on his face. Instead I saw terror, pure fear. This wasn't a joke. I froze. I was an FBI Agent and I froze. I was dead, what could I possible have to run from?

"For God sakes, RUN!" I saw it in his face. He was afraid for me.

What was I running from? I didn't know. But I did run.

* * *

><p><strong>Any ideas why JJ has to run? Curious to hear if you have any thoughts. <strong>


	11. Chapter 10: I Know Who Killed Me

**Author's Note: 100 Reviews! I am so happy, you guys are awesome! *dances* Makes my day. *dances some more* **

**Thank you so much to all of you! And here's the next chapter. Only a couple more chapters. **

* * *

><p>That's when I felt the pain. The entire time I had been dead, I hadn't felt pain but I felt it now. When I looked down I noticed my body was fading and saw the streams of light shooting out from me in holes all over my body.<p>

"Oh, god damn it, JJ!" Mark shouted as he ran towards me and grabbed my hand. "Whatever you do, do NOT let go. Squeeze tight now."

I didn't even have a chance to nod in agreement before we were spinning and suddenly appeared in some sort of sewer. Mark wrinkled his nose in disgust and I realized awkwardly that we were still holding hands. Mark appeared to realize this at the same time as me and let go quite quickly.

My mind was screaming, so many things I needed to yell. My head was whirling. What happened? I couldn't voice it. My body was still aching and I saw in relief that the holes were gone and my body was slowly becoming visible again.

"What in the fuck?" I snapped, cursing for the first time in a long time. Ever since I'd had Henry it'd been a very rare sight to hear me swear. I spun around to glare at Mark. "What is happening?"

He shifted his weight awkwardly. "A side effect of still being here I'm afraid."

"You're not answering the question," I muttered as I tried to regain composure.

"I did so, sort of," he said grinning sheepishly.

"No, you're circling around the question," I protested.

"It's a being that feeds off the souls of those that have passed on. If it consumed you... You'd exist but be unable to move but instead me a prisoner inside the beast. Only able to see through its eyes. It truly is a terrible fate," he mumbled, unable to meet my eyes.

"Great, just great."

"Hey, on the bright side... You can clearly see you can teleport."

"Very funny, now get me out of here," I said glaring at him.

"You could do it yourself you know, you just have to -"

"Believe? So you're telling me if I didn't believe this ground could support me I'd fall through the Earth?"

"Pretty much," he said shrugging his shoulders.

"Impossible."

"See, this is why you can't," he complained. "How can I teach someone who won't be teached?"

"It's taught and I mean it, get me out of here."

Sighing, he reached for me and suddenly we were on the streets again. I was able to inhale again.

"You know you don't need to breathe."

I don't know why he said these things. Was he trying to get on my nerves? I guess being here for however many years he was, he'd get bored.

"I'm aware," I grumbled. "Now let me think."

"Tick tock goes the clock," Mark sang before quickly ducking from my hand.

"I don't understand who could have killed me. Is it someone I know?"

"I can't answer that," Mark said shaking his head.

"Please. Just think, break one little rule and I'll figure it out and we can both go over. I'm your last job, right?" I pleaded, begging him with words and my eyes.

"Fine, yes," he answered, glaring at me as if I'd held him at gun point to answer that.

I nodded. I eliminated my team straight away. There was no way it could have been any of them. Could it be Will? His new girlfriend? I didn't really know here though, until I died. Did that count?

Maybe Emma knew who I was with at the party. I scoffed, what did that matter? It wasn't like she could answer my questions anyways. I had to see my team. Emma. Henry. I knew I'd seen them just now, but I had to see them all, again.

"Stalling won't help you catch your killer. Maybe it's because deep down you know, you don't want to find out," Mark suggested.

"If I don't want to find out, it has to be someone I trusted..." I trailed off.

He didn't confirm it or deny it. That was fine. I'd come to that conclusion.

The pain hit my head. I was feeling pain after I had died. "What is going on?" I cried out.

A memory. A memory was trying to sneak through. I had to relax, I had to remember.

"JJ, no, don't." Mark reached out for me and I slapped his hand away. "You don't want to remember," he said softly.

It didn't matter, I let the memory consume me. The shocking, terrifying memory. The memory that changed everything.

I knew who killed me.

* * *

><p><em>Now you're caught up with the story. I've told you all I know so far. Now I hope you're as ready as I am to find out the truth. Like I said, I want to be remembered. And in my head, I've just received confirmation I didn't kill myself. It was someone I had trusted.<em>

_I feel I should now answer my earlier question. 'I am an FBI Agent. A profiler. Who could have seen this coming?'_

_The answer is no one. It was someone I trusted. They always warn children about stranger danger but what they don't tell them is that eighty nine percent of all children abduction were done by someone the child or family knew. It was terrifying. As a mother, and an FBI agent... this terrified me. _

_I had been murdered by someone I knew. Someone I cared about. Someone I loved and trusted with my life. Wrongfully trusted with my life as it had cost me mine. _

_I don't know any more than you do at this point and now we shall learn the rest of my story together. _


	12. Chapter 11: Illusions

**Again, thank you for the reviews. Here goes! Next chapter is when you guys start hating me. XD Sorry!**

* * *

><p><span>Days go by, <span>  
><span>the nights are cold, <span>  
><span>and here I am; <span>  
><span>Still standing alone. <span>  
><span>With the world around me, <span>  
><span>and my heart in the wrong place. <span>  
><span>When I close my eyes, <span>  
><span>I'll see your face. <span>  
><span>When my life crashes around me, <span>  
><span>I know you won't be there, <span>  
><span>But I can't help hoping; <span>  
><span>Even if you swear.<span>

The days still pass on,   
><span>And the nights are still ill at ease, <span>  
><span>But It's not because of you; <span>  
><span>It's all on me. <span>  
><span>The world closes in, <span>  
><span>and my eyes do the same, <span>  
><span>seeing for the first time; <span>  
><span>through the blindness and shame; <span>  
><span>That you won't appear and <span>  
><span>Covered by the night's shade; <span>  
><span>All the hope leaves. <span>  
><span>I become serenaded by a blade.<span>

I let the paper fall out of my hand. Why would Emma write this? She always seemed so happy. I knew why she would write it. I just didn't want to admit it. The memory I'd seen, it'd been real... Mark and I had gone to her place after I'd remembered... I had wanted to see what kind of person one of my best friends really was.

_I'd been sitting on the bed about to get up when she came in the room. "Hey, JJ," She said it so calmy and I looked up._

_"Hey," I forced myself to speak. She watched me carefully._

_"What's wrong?" she demanded. "It can't just be your head."_

_The tears came, my body shook with the sobs as my tears soaked my shirt. "Will, left me... for some girl." The words came out broken and detached. I noticed the fury in her eyes as she looked at me._

_"He what?" I never noticed until that point how terrifying she was for such a short girl. If I had been more observant I would have noticed her hand twitch. She seemed to gain control of her voice as she leaned in. "Oh, Jennifer, I'm so sorry."_

_I couldn't answer her. I was still crying._

_"At least you and I can be closer."_

_Those words shocked me. I finally looked up to meet her eyes. "You and I are close."_

_"Yes, we are now that Elle's gone." She nodded._

_I hiccuped. "She killed herself, Emma. That's not a good thing."_

_I felt a grip of fear. Why was she smiling? A warning went off in my head and I knew this situation wasn't safe._

_"That's what they say." She shrugged._

_"You don't think she did?" I asked in confusion. I hadn't really thought about it. _

_"I know she didn't." Her tone was cool and calculated._

_"If you know that why didn't you go to the police?" I demanded. How did she know? My brain was thinking so hard that the pain in my head was getting worse._

_"And spend the rest of my life in jail? No. It's best they don't know."_

_Wait... My eyes grew very wide. "You killed Elle."_

_She tilted her head to the side, her pony tail bobbing. "Why, of course I did, you silly goose." She acted as if it was fine. As if there was nothing wrong with it._

_"Why?" I began to inch off the bed._

_Her eyes snapped onto my movement. "She was tearing us apart, JJ. You knew that. You and her were becoming close again."_

_"What? No she wasn't." I tried to hide the terror in my voice._

_"JJ, don't be afraid I'd never hurt you." Her eyes were full of hurt. "I didn't get to spend as much time with you."_

_"You killed her because I was friends with her?" I raised my voice in fear._

_That's when she pulled the gun out of the back of her jeans. The silver barrel focused on me. "Really, JJ. I will have to ask you to be quiet. There's no need to get over excited. Now if you'll calm down, we can take care of Will and his girl tonight and leave, together.."_

_There was a glee in her voice that almost made me feel sorry for her. "No, Emma, don't be ridiculous." I begged her. "I don't want them dead."_

_"We're supposed to be close, JJ." That sharp tone of danger._

_"We were. We are!" I corrected myself quickly. I could sense my life was in danger and I had to focus._

_Maybe if I just played along, we could both get out of this alive._

_"Maybe you're right. Maybe it's not them that should die." The calmness in her voice alerted me._

_"What do you mean?" I demanded, my voice hoarse from my crying._

_"What if you and I die, then we can be together forever?"_

_"Emma, no!" The panic I felt intensified as I heard her take the safety off. The last thing I remember was seeing the barrel of the gun pointing at my head._

"Oh my god." I was in shock. Emma, my best friend had killed me. I glanced over at Mark, feeling my heart crumble. So because Elle and I had reconnected and were getting close, she killed her?

"I told you that you may not like what you find." Mark's voice was sad as he looked at me.

I began to hypervenilate. "If she wanted both of us to die, why is she alive?" I tried to think this through, perhaps the noise had alerted too many people and she never had the chance.

"Wait, what? JJ, what are you talking about?" The shock in Mark's voice surprsied me.

"Emma. She murdered me."

When he shook his head, I lost it. "Why are you shaking your head? I just saw her kill me!" I was losing it and swore a bunch of times.

"She never killed you." He shook his head sadly.

"I... I saw her do it!" What was he talking about? She never killed me. What was he stupid?

"JJ, you know deep down. Look harder."

"She, she killed me!"

The cries came out now. The barrier in my mind holding back my memories was falling and then I rememberd.

"No," I said it so softly, I almost didn't hear myself.

"Yes." The sympathy in his voice angered me.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Dun dun dun. The mystery isn't solved yet. <strong>


	13. Chapter 12: The Bitter Truth

**Author's Note: You guys may hate me for this ending. But I'm sorry, it was my muse. And what my muse wants. My muse gets. :( **

* * *

><p>My memory began to finish itself. Mark gave me a warning look, pleading me not to find out the truth. But I had to know. I just had to.<p>

The struggle had broken out and somehow in the middle of it, I'd managed to get the gun. Emma had backed off and held her hands out fearfully.

"Emma, I don't want to hurt you." My terrified voice surprisingly sounded firm and stern. I knew it was shaking though, but no one could tell. I didn't want to harm my friend. When had she gotten like this? So obsessed?

She froze and then reached into her pocket and pulled out her switch blade. A sharp knife I've seen her with many times. She constantly had it on herself for protection.

"Please," I begged her. She didn't listen but ran at me, the knife ready to strike. I squeezed my eyes shut.

The gun went off. She fell to the floor. Instantly, I felt remorse, regret and guilt. I was just defending myself and there she lay, on the floor... But there was no blood and why did I feel the pain in my head?

_Swoosh._

Emma was gone and I was watching from a third person perspective on my memories. That's when it hit me. Emma didn't exist. It all came crashing down, not being gentle about my feelings.

I was pointing the gun at myself with the knife in _my _hand. I was the one yelling at myself and arguing with myself. I was crazy. I wanted to throw up. I couldn't be crazy... But there it happened. I was yelling at her, to not make me do this. And bang... the gun went off and _I _fell to the floor. Not Emma. Because Emma wasn't real.

That's when one of the most painful memories came back.

"JJ please don't do this." Elle backed away against the wall. _Oh Elle. _She used to be a member of the team...

"You've stolen JJ from me." My voice sounded raspy. Higher even. It was the voice I recognized as Emma's but it came from my mouth. It was so terrifying to see.

The struggle broke out and eventually... I couldn't watch. I heard her cries of pain as the knife went right into her stomach. I cried. What had I done?

No wonder no one ever spoke to Emma at my funeral. No wonder Emily didn't question why Emma was there when they had their get together. It was something she would have done. It was no wonder Will never believed me when I claimed to go out at night with my friend Emma. It was why he thought I was cheating on him, leading him to do the same.

I had murdered Elle. I had killed myself. I was crazy.

Mark had told me the same person that had killed Elle had killed me. He was right. I cried. This time real tears came.

"I warned you," Mark spoke, his voice full of sympathy and pain.

"Why?"

"No one can answer that. No one can know that."

My head turned back to the first time I met Emma. I'd been at the park, thinking. When she came up to me, saying she had gone to another school near by. We had been friends instantly. We liked the same bands, movies and jokes. I'd spent a lifetime, being so close to her. She was never real.

It explained why she would never come over. I walked outside her house. It was abandoned. No one had lived there for years. I couldn't breathe. This wasn't happening. Then I understood. Emma had appeared a couple weeks after my sister's suicide. My sister's name was Emma. I'd in a way brought my sister back so I could deal with my grief.

"Are you ready to go yet, JJ?" Mark asked, his eyes on his watch.

"I killed myself. I murdered someone. Why am I not trapped?" I asked in between sobs. "Why am I not trapped like you were?

He shrugged. "Insane people generally get let off." He was treating this... as... as a joke!

"Shut up! This isn't time for your jokes!" I was losing it. I fell to my knees as I sobbed. This wasn't real. Any minute now, any minute and I'd wake up in my soft bed, with Will beside me. Henry in the next room.

The most shocking thing happened. He came over to me, crouched down and hugged me. "You're right, I'm sorry," he whispered softly.

"I'm not crazy, I can't be crazy."

"JJ it's time to go."

The only thing I could do was cry. It hurt so badly, I couldn't comprehend it. It couldn't be... real.

"We're leaving together," he said it so softly, I barely caught it. I woundn't be alone, that was something. But I was so broken and in pieces right now. I couldn't even look at him. The tears streamed down my face, my soul shattered. And I let go. Leaving my heart in pieces on the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: So that's it. Do you hate me? Making JJ crazy? *sigh* My muse liked the idea. It's a bit twisty. <strong>

**I'm considering a sequel, and possibly an epilogue or even writing the fic through Mark's point of view with extra scenes to learn more. I don't know. Despite the story being over, my muse isn't done. His name is Sam, (my muse) and he wants me to write more based on this fic. XD **


End file.
